Monday, 2nd November 2009
Children having sex
According to the European Perinatal Health Report (EPHR) Malta has one of the highest rates of teenage pregnancies in the EU. Malta had a teenage delivery rate of 5.8 per cent of all women who gave birth in 2004, which is the year for which data were collected.
As a parent of a teenage daughter and a soon-to-be teenage son I cannot stop thinking that my own children have grown up exposed to a mentality where sexual intercourse between youngsters has to be taken for a fact. Although there are still parents who believe that they should not give in to such a loose mentality, I believe that many have simply given up, accepting that times have changed and there is next to nothing they can do to prevent their children from doing what their peers do as well. Promoting abstinence until one is married or in a serious relationship is always worth doing but one needs to be realistic in the face of a situation we may not have any control on.
So we are left with a situation where children are not only having sex but also having children at a very tender age . Do we care? Should we discuss such a situation? Should we be concerned? The reality is that a good number of children are simply fast-forwarding an important phase of their life, doing away with the latter part of their childhood and entering abruptly into the complex world of adulthood? Does this rapid transition leave any marks on these children?
Teenage pregnancy will surely disrupt the child's life at least for a year or so. Wouldn't this break have any effect on that child's prospect of securing a steady job and securing a future for her and her child? Some of these teenagers, particularly those coming difficult social backgrounds never return to school again.
Teenage pregnancy brings with it other risks. According to the Euro-Peristat report both early and late childbearing are associated with higher-than-average rates of preterm birth, growth restriction and perinatal (before and after birth) mortality. The report points out that increased risks for younger mothers have been associated with social and healthcare factors, including lack of antenatal care, unwanted or hidden pregnancies, poor nutrition and lower social status.
Most of the children would know who the father of their child is even though they would probably declare an ‘unknown' father in order to benefit from social assistance. However, in this day and age they would probably remain single rather than go through a forced marriage, and thank God for that. But this would also mean that they risk ending up as single parents because the father might soon find it convenient to disappear from the child's life to seek a future away from the burden of raising and maintaining a child.
Is there a solution to all this? Honestly, I don't know, however I know for sure that we should all be concerned. We should also ask ourselves whether there is something we are supposed to be doing and we are not. Are we providing sound sex education to our children? Is the National Sexual Health Policy which has not seen the light of the day yet, relevant to the needs of a fast evolving generation? Are we conveying the right messages to our children through formal or informal teaching?
Is ‘responsible behaviour' promoted enough by educators, parents and society as a whole? Do we need to look into our social assistance system particularly at the ‘unknown father' phenomenon without taking rash decisions and making blank statements?
Are we promoting the right values to the upcoming generation? Are we as parents making it easier for our children to act irresponsibly by conveying a message of tolerance, open-mindedness, unconditional support and even empathy? Should the Catholic Church shift the emphasis from the promotion of abstinence to the active preaching of responsible behaviour (with all its implications) across the board?
Whatever we decide, LET'S DO SOMETHING!
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Comments
I am not asking you to agree with my comments. All I ask you is to answer my questions. After all you brought the subjects up, of 'unknown fathers' and Maltese Law. I was the first to congratulate you for carrying your responsibilities without anybody's help except for family allowance and a student's stipend.
I hold little hope of receiving a satisfactory answer, therefore I shall not waste my time with you, either.
the best way to go about it is to ignore your comments. I'm not going to continue wasting my time trying to stress my point ....so think what you want! However, if you read what I wrote clearly, I'm sure you'll get there somehow!
Maybe I did not understand the reason why the 'Maltese Law' had anything to do with Ms. Camilleri's situation?
I also fail to understand the relevance (to Ms. Camilleri) of registering her daughter with an unknown father.
Would she have acted differently had the 'unknown father' been over the age of eighteen?
I would like to point out that my first comments about Ms. Camilleri's response to Charlo' Bonnici were based on the wrong assumption that S. Camilleri was a father, hence Ms. Camilleri's reply pointing out that she, in fact, was the mother and secondly I still feel that Maltese Law presently requires ( and I stand to be corrected) that no minor (under 18) can sign any contract, cannot be tried in an adult court and likewise seeking support for a child he sired out of wedlock would produce no financial benefit to the child or mother since, in all probability he would be still an unemployed student.
It is entirely possible to get to me if only you respond to my questions which, irrespective of one's views, I would welcome with an open mind.
I fully agree with you as it seems that he/ she is just interested in posting comments rather than actually reading what the others have actually posted.
It is impossible to get to J Martinelli because he only wants to express his opinion and does not even try to understand what the other person is telling him. For him he is always right and others are wrong. For the people listening to him, it is an entirely differnt story
I also said that I did not benefit anything other than children's allowance (which practically all parents are entitled to) and stipend (which all students are entitled to!!!!!!!!!!!!! I did not benefit from single mother's benefits as I did not apply for those!!! Understand???
Aha! So, that's it - you just confirmed my suspicion that registering an 'unknown father' was solely to qualify you for Social benefit!
"My daughter is registered with an unknown father due to the ENTIRE fact that the Maltese Law does not permit boys to be responsible for their children if they are not 18 years old".
That is a direct quote from your previous comment - don't pin it on me! After all, you know better because you decided to quote the law!
According to your quotes, it is not ENTIRELY about the Maltese Law but also about getting something from the government!
Yes I fully answered your quetion as I did not benefit from registering my daughter with unknown father.
Secondly,
"Since, according to you, the Maltese law does not bind a father under 18 years of age with any responsibilities, it would have been of no consequence to him. "
It's not according to me but according to the law - chexk the law before you post comments!
Your gender is not an issue, however, you did not answer my question regarding the benefit of registering the child 'father unknown' since, according to you, you chose to carry all the responsibilities.
Law or no law, you made a false declaration on the registration because you admit that you actually know who the father is but chose to hide his identity. Since, according to you, the Maltese law does not bind a father under 18 years of age with any responsibilities, it would have been of no consequence to him.
The way I read it, all single mothers have the choice of identifying the father.
Please not I'm female not male and rest assured that I did not benefit from any other social security benefits rather than stipend and children's allowance.
How did registering your daughter 'with unknown father' benefit the child and/or the mother?
You should be commended for looking after the needs of the child, but how many 'unknown' fathers shoulder their responsibilities?
If you were so willing to help, what difference would it have made if you were named as the 'father'? Would the mother have received help from the State as well as from you?
When one scratches the surface of this issue, one will find more than (initially) meets the eye!
I myself had a lovely daughter at an early age and choose to carry all responsibilities. Apart from taht I also continued my studies, found a full time job and am currently studying on a part time basis for another qualification. Thus, it had no effect on my career and the future of my daughter!
My daughter is registered with an unknown father due to the ENTIRE fact that the Maltese Law does not permit boys to be responsible for their children if they are not 18 years old - thus not all single parents choose to be single parents
Children having children is a recent phenomenon in Malta, but once here, the wise thing is to nip it in the bud. But how?
Education is the principal weapon, both at home and at schools. Normally I would have added the 'pulpits', however evidence shows that teens today are less apt to listen to one short Sunday homily. Sort of, good for one day, but followed by a week of forgetting it!
Parents have a grave responsibility because, after all, they brought children into the world, so they better protect them. Promiscuity is no form of protection. The sad thing about parents is the fact that they themselves were not adequately prepared for parenthood and sort of fumbled their way in raising their children.
Schools too, have a huge responsibility because children spend more 'awake' hours there than at home for ten out of twelve months of the year and surely, adequate time for discussing responsible behaviour should be included in their curriculum.
Teen mothers are no longer isolated cases as numbers are proportionately large and rising. Parents of teenagers can no longer sit back and hope that their teenage daughter knows better than to get pregnant.
Continued
What about parents of teenage boys? Do they not also share the responsibility of educating their male offspring that it is not OK to enter into a spontaneous intimate relationship and abdicate responsibility should the 'unthinkable' happen!? Unthinkable indeed, because any male getting a girl pregnant must not have done much thinking beforehand and if he did, the act is even worse because it would be regarded as 'intentional' and with no regard to the consequences.
As is customary, this subject will probably be politicized like everything else in Malta and soon we shall be blaming the government for this huge mess! After all, the government has, for at least two decades, been holding hands of students, single mothers (without a known father) and other social cases and showering them with all kinds of assistance both financial and emotional. But this comes when it's already too late. The teen has already given birth and no money or counseling is going to reverse the process.
Assistance to single mothers who refuse to identify the father can be withheld, but as the Prime Minister stated recently, we must not penalize the innocent child who, didn't ask to be born.
Continued
So, what can be done?
For existing cases of single mothers who cannot or will not identify the father, a 'means test' should be given and those still living with the parents should be given a child's allowance according to the means of the parents. In other words, the allowance is for the child and not for the mother.
Secondly, the government should make it clear that for new cases of 'teenage mothers' the father must be identified and if not, then the child should be taken away for adoption or foster care. This may bring the wrath of many for even suggesting this measure, but hold it for a minute! What kind of life will that child have if left to be brought up by a mother who does not know who the real father is? And if the government takes no action and continues, at taxpayers' expense, to support these mothers, is the child not automatically the ward of the State?
As for the Church, well, sermons may be useful if directed properly and it is my opinion that the target should be the parents who are the closest to these teenagers day in, day out.