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"I'm going down to Malta....Land"

A few weeks ago I hung out by the poolside, fascinated by the various characters I set my eyes on. It was almost as though I was watching the Capulets versus Montagues but in the Celebrity death match version!

On one side there was a group of 20 something year olds laughing loudly at rude very explicit jokes, calling each other from one side of the pool to the other.

On the other side there was another group of the same age, being just as loud, only they had all left their "R"s somewhere at home he he. They looked in disgust at the less ‘glamorous' group of youngsters and referred to them as "Hamaleeeyy"

The ‘yuppy' crowd kept hassling the poor pool girl calling her every friggin' five seconds " excuse me, excuse me...??? Tashaaaaaa Tashaaaa You want a drink?" By the end of it I could've screamed back it's "DO you want a drink?"

The others wouldn't stop taking the piss out of what they thought was extreme "pepe" behaviour. All of a sudden the "Hamaleeeyy" decided they would play "Bomba." Now the weight range was vast, but the biggest guy was huge. The minute "Il-Puqlajsa" (that was his nickname) took the plunge he emptied half the pool and most of it showered the "pepe" crowd.

"You serioussss????" this girl screamed. "uejjjaaaa mux naqa ilma x'int fina hi" Il-Puqlajsa replied, spitting water out of his mouth.

Trinny (that's the yuppy's name) freaked out, swearing in English obviously, but throwing in the occasional "ala....ax alaa I'm gonna ... them" she then proceeded to very hot headedly ask for the manager.

"Skuzi sinjur ghax daw il atta savages, qed jxarbunaaaa. Can you make them stop please?"

Visibly humoured by this young woman's lack of control of our own mother tongue, the manager walked towards the oily entourage of sniggering "hamaleeey."

" Jekk joghgobkhom iddejqux in- nies l-ohra plisss. Jekk ha taqbzu.... bil-mod jekk joghgobkhom" he said fixing his stare on the largest member of the clan, who by now was gnawing through the Bistro's Jumbo Burger . Mayonnaise was dripping off his chin, he answered with a full mouth, so all of his mashed up food was visible " x'gaaaa x ghamilt.....u q'**** kollha dejqin dawk....min iz-**** jahsbu li huma?"

The manager, visibly stirred by the candid lingo, just muttered something and left.

The "pepe" crowd were heard gasping "X aruuwww Kazaaaaaaa, X'affarijiet dawww"

By now the sun was setting and the majority of the hotel guests were lounging on their deckchairs soaking up the last drops of sunshine. The rest of us were packing our stuff into our beach bags. Everyone left the pool deck and walked out of the hotel reception towards their cars.

In typical fashion driving out of the hotel parking on a Sunday turned out to be a nightmare, however entertaining. It turns out on of the "Pepe" clan shot out of a stop sign and almost re designed the ultra souped up car belonging to one of the "hams."

All hell broke loose. "Il-Mibni" gesticulated and called "Darren" a "Wicc Ta' ****" and told him to go ‘take it' where the sun don't shine. To which Darren very calmly stuck out his middle finger and cockily started to drive off. "Il-Mibni" overtook him leaving a trail of exhaust which we all enjoyed hooted and stuck his middle finger up yelling something blasphemous. "Darren" hooted his horn uncontrollably and drove behind him like a maniac.

"Ah the sweet sound of screeching tires and vulgar swearing" I thought to myself, as I drove off into the sunset.

Ira Losco is playing Live and Electric at The Beer Festival in Ta' Qali on Friday 31st July. Entrance if FREE and Ira will also be on the Vodafone Stand after her gig, signing autographs, taking photos and meeting fans.

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Comments

Joseph Vassallo (on 17/8/09)
LMAO!!! I don't ever read blogs but I am glad that I've read this one. I visually imagined it all as I was reading and I laughed so hard, tears were streaming down my face. Well done! Thanks for starting my week with a LAUGH!! I LOVED IT!!!!
M. Mallia (on 11/8/09)
Hahaha that's the Maltese for you. It's truly hilarious when one puts both extremes of our population in each others' vicinity. Although they shame the normal (whatever that may be) Maltese citizens, I find it quite an entertaining show.
Mike turner (on 8/8/09)
Belated HAPPY BIRTHDAY IRA, I remember you are a Lioness from the old Labyrinth days.
Love to see you grow into such a lovely woman.
Charlene Joan Sant (on 6/8/09)
Pahahaha 'hams' :D this could be made into a cartoon or something :D
Tony Muscat (on 3/8/09)
Ira, you are just INTELLIGENT!!!!
Anne Marie (on 2/8/09)
hey Ira its me again.....Great show at the Beer Festival!! You Rock Girl!!! :-)
Mark Piscopo (on 1/8/09)
Ira you are the Best!!
John Aquilina (on 31/7/09)
..Great Blog as always Ira..Happy Birthday super girl:) so sorry i cant make it to see you at the beer festival as am swined at home uffff:( catch ya nxt time ok:) Best wishes again!!
Judith Schembri (on 29/7/09)
Oh Ira, that was hilarious. Yes - I know, I say that because I was not there. But the way you described it was very true and could imagine the proceedings bit by bit.

But it was more like something out of the West Side Story!

Yes people can be rude even though they imagine to be polite!!

You are very down to earth and not stuck up...just keep it up!
James Ciantar (on 23/7/09)
That's why I stick to a place by the sea. If you take a careful look at the map you can still find areas which are cut off from numerous roudy people. Jelly fish are not really a problem if you can interpret wind and current movements. I'll just mention one of my favourite places and few probably know that it exits - Ras il-Wahx........the open sea is beautiful. To get there a little bit of tracking is required but it is worth it as the sea is wide open and discreet. Malta and its hidden treasures.
Sarah Jane Gatt (on 22/7/09)
Great Article seeing as i'm a pepe of the south woo hoo, btw thanks for the Autographed shef Wednesday ticket for Aaron he was really pleased, see you at the beer festival hopefully!!!!
Peter Bonnici (on 20/7/09)
The question is: which of the two groups would the foreign hotel guests rather have sharing the pool with them?

For less than 100 euros, this hotel lost face with all its guests, who are unlikely ever to return. Its no wonder the industry is in a mess. Most hotel owners deserve to go down, and stay down.

Anne Marie (on 20/7/09)
the typical north & south scenario where the pepe dont admit they are pepe and the hamalli dont admit they are hamalli hehe. Great blogs Ira :) hope to cu at the beer festival!!

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